Getting raw and real for the holidays (The Art of Life-ing with Keka)


I’m feeling a little bit nervous, and a
little bit vulnerable for what I’m going to talk about today. But I wanted to get raw
and real with you before the holidays – so that’s what we’re talking about today on
“The Art of Life-ing with Keka.” [MUSIC] So Christmas is upon us and there’s so many
conversations at the office, among social circles and friends, about our Year in
Review, and what our year has been like. And you know, if I were to answer that
question really truly honestly this year: it’s been a very tough year for me. And I
actually don’t really like saying that, because I want things to be good. My
natural disposition is to try to be happy. I want to be happy. It’s the reason
why I created “The Art of life-ing” – is that I really do think that if we give
ourselves intention and purpose, we can create the life that we desire. But
really and truly this year, more than anything else, with everything that
I’ve been trying to do, I just have felt like energy-wise, I feel like I’m like
knee-deep in mud – probably even waist-deep in mud, and just trying to,
like, push my way through. And it hasn’t been comfortable. There’s been a lot of
difficult moments, and I’ve just tried to be happy. I’ve tried to say to myself: if
I choose to be happy, if I choose to stay positive, things will get better.
But I wanted to get raw and real with you here, because I think that this was a
big lesson I have learned this past year – is that I think there’s a lot of value
in wanting to be happy, and making intentional choices that would get you
there. But you can’t ignore when things are tough. And that’s what I’ve done for
most of my life. I have seen people around me who have really suffered by
looking at things from a “glass half-empty” sort of perspective. I’ve
watched people close to me, people that I’ve loved so much,
truly truly go through so much from that, and somewhere inside of me I
thought: “You know what? I don’t want any of that. That, sort of, pain and sadness
and anger, and all of that is – it’s just not fun! And you know, there are better
ways. And so I’m just going to look at things in a different way. And you know,
we talk about positivity, and we look at – if we think we’re happy, we’re going to be.
If we say we’re happy, we’re going to manifest it. And I just decided that
that’s what I was going to do. But I think that this year is one of those years
where everything that was inside of me for a really long time, is just starting
to bubble up now. And I can’t ignore the hurt anymore. You know, I’ve been in
social circles and conversations where people know that I’m happy. You know, I
was in labour with my son and I went up to the maternity ward. I’m in so much
pain and the nurse said to me, “Oh honey, you’re not in labour. You’re smiling!
You’re clearly not in pain!” And I was like, “No no, I’m in pain. But I’m excited
to have a baby, and I’m happy about that.” So I tend to be happy a lot of the time
or that’s what people see. They don’t always see the sadness that I
feel inside. And I actually didn’t give myself permission to feel that sadness
inside for a long time. So whenever we’d have a difficult conversation in a work
setting, people be like: “Art of life-ing! Art of life-ing! We’ve got to be happy!” And I
started to realize that, you know, I’ve pushed away the sadness, and the hurt, and
the anger inside of me, and pushed it so deep inside of me, for so long that I
actually almost forgot how to express myself. So a few weeks ago, I went through
a difficult day. I was watching a loved one just emotionally going through so
much. And I couldn’t…I couldn’t help them, and it was also affecting me. And I felt
helpless, and I thought, you know, I kind of need to cry this out. You know,
we talk a lot about girls having a good cry – I just thought, I just need to cry
this out. I need to get this out of me. And I said to my husband, “I’m just going to
go for a drive, just to be by myself. And I’m going to try to get this out. Because I…
you know, I didn’t I didn’t want to be bothering other people around me. So I
get into the car. I’m, sort of, by myself. I’m like: “Okay.
You know what? I just need to let this out.” And I couldn’t, like literally, I
felt like the lid inside of me – I had shut it so tight that I couldn’t let
it out! And I remembered then, at that time, that as a kid I would cry all the
time. I would be happy. I would be sad. WShatever I felt in the moment, I
expressed it in the moment. And I didn’t carry any baggage with me. I would just
keep going. But all my life growing up, most adults around me used to say that
crying is a sign of weakness. And I would see people get angry instead of instead
of sad. And for my childhood, I used to just let it out and cry anyway because I
couldn’t help it. But I guess somewhere in adulthood, and I sort of forgot about
this, but somewhere in adulthood, I closed that lid so tight that I basically
didn’t give myself permission to feel sadness or permission to feel anything.
So now when I could feel it bubbling up, I couldn’t get it out. And it felt like a
poison inside of me – in and out – that I just couldn’t get out. So I gave it some
time. I just kept thinking: I’ve got to get this out. I’ve got to just cry. And
even when I started to cry, in my head, there was that dual voice, you know, one
that’s feeling, and another that’s going: “Oh, look, you’re crying. You need to stop.” I
also felt a sense of anger and I wanted to get it out. And I remember people
saying, you know, when you feel something deep inside, maybe hit a pillow, scream
out loud, do whatever. I didn’t have anything in me and then about a half an
hour later, I went to pick up somebody and then drop them off, and on my way
home – Oh my God! I’m a little embarrassed to admit this, but I was driving. I got
off the off-ramp on the highway, and suddenly it came bursting out! And I was
screaming in the car. Just screaming, like I’d never screamed before. And I thought,
“Oh my God! I’m going to lose my voice! I’m not going to have a voice the next day!” But
I got it out. I got as much as I could out. And when I got home, I said
to my husband, like, I feel better! I actually feel a lot lighter. And the
reason I’m sharing this with you is that, it’s okay – this is what I’ve learned –
is, it’s okay to want to be happy. It’s okay to want to work towards happiness, and to do life with intention. But the big lesson I’ve learned this year is that, we
can’t ignore the sadness we feel inside of ourselves. And it’s okay to express it. It’s okay to let it out. You know, since all of this happened, I’ve
spoken to a few of my girlfriends that are close to me, and I said, “Yeah, I
just, I started to like, scream in the car, and I’m sure that I probably scared
some people that were around me. And surprisingly, two of my very close
friends said to me, “Yup, I’ve done that too!” And,
“Yeah, I’ve had a good cry”…and “Yeah, I’ve screamed out loud, like someone was going to, you know, was putting me through excruciating pain. I’ve done that too.” But
here’s the thing: I thought I was all by myself when I felt that way in the car. I
thought that nobody feels this way. But the validation came to me through my
friends, that, yeah, you know what? We all go through difficult times. So anyhow, I’m
all emotional, it was not my intention to do this. But I wanted to share this with you
because, here’s the thing: people go through difficult times during the
holidays. A lot of people feel alone. A lot of people feel hurt. A lot of people
are coming around their family, where they might be triggered from other
things. But a lot of people also want to be happy. And I don’t think that they’re
two mutually exclusive things. That’s the big thing that I feel like I’ve learned
today, is that we can be happy. We can focus on being intentionally happy, but I
think that we can’t ignore how we feel inside. So over the holidays, if you’re
having a difficult time, if you feel like there’s that emotional poison inside of
you, find a way to work it out that’s working best for you. Journal, talk to
somebody, get professional help if you need to, scream in the car like I did if
you need to. But at the end of the day, holding it in, is something that is
unhealthy for us. And we have to learn that it’s okay to let that go. And then,
in between those moments, if you feel happy, and you want to be happy, by God – be happy! The holidays are a beautiful time for us to reflect, heal ourselves,
and grow and plan for the next year. And I think that, at the end of the day, we
should give ourselves permission to do all of those things. And the reason I
wanted to share this with you is, just, I wanted you to know, that, if you’re feeling
like this, you’re not alone. You have permission to be happy, but you also have
permission to be sad, angry, hurt – all of those things. So from my heart to
yours – I want to wish you a very Merry Christmas! Have some wonderful holidays! Happy
holidays! Happy New Year! I only want the best for you, and I hope
that we can continue doing our “Art of Life-ing” journey together. Thank you so
much for watching this video. Please like it, comment on it, and share it with
someone you love. I put out new videos every Tuesday. And if you want to be
notified specifically, then just click on that bell icon. Thank you so much for
joining us on this journey, and I’ll see you next time! 🙂

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